finding community...

These last few days have been quite the adventure, and the reoccurring theme over all of it has been community.

What is community? Do we choose who is in our community? or are we called into a community and must work to make the community effective?

I find I've been running away from certain communities because I'm afraid of being hurt. I have walls built up all around my heart that are protecting me from getting too involved with people, from letting myself be vulnerable in all kinds of relationships. And that's not okay, and as a friend told me the other night, I have to take care of those walls now or deal with them for the rest of my life.

Then Peace Day happened, and it was incredible. The Peace Vigil was a success. The Canvas and Peace Fair was awesome, and I realized that for the first time in 3.5 years, I love love love the community of Southwestern. I didn't believe that SU students really cared about positive thinking and unity, but they do. I can leave SU knowing that Peace Day allowed that to shine at Southwestern.

And then on Sunday morning, I got a call from my mom at 7:30, telling me that my 95-year-old great-grandmother was in surgery and that I should probably head home just in case she didn't make it through. Three hours later, I walked into the ICU waiting room, or more appropriately, I walked into my home. Surrounded by my family, I knew I was home. Looking back over Sunday and Monday, I realize that most of the tears that I cried over Granny's bedside were tears of fear, knowing that this could be my last moment with her, knowing that if this isn't it, it could happen in the two years that I'm gone. Then what? I'm leaving the community that I hold most dear--my family--for two whole years. Why do I think this is a good idea?

I have all the support in the world, but that doesn't make this any easier. A friend of mine is leaving for the Ukraine in two days, and I just cried and cried through her pictures of her goodbye dinner, knowing that in a little over 8 months, I'll be in her same position. Let the freak out begin. 8 months.

Love is a powerful thing, though. It conquers all--even distance, and I hope I come to believe that with all that I have in me in the next few months.